Dear John, 

All this time, I’ve just been using you. I want you to know I have a boyfriend, and I love him. I actually started seeing him around the same time I started seeing you. You’ve been my dirty little secret. I know, I know…. staying after hours, or just popping in randomly to drop my pants probably gave you the wrong idea, but I don’t need you anymore. I know it stinks having me walk out on you like this, but when has it not stunk? Our relationship has always been one big crapfest.  

Anyway, I’ve finally done it. I’ve found a way to hide my poop from my boyfriend without running to you John. It’s called Poo Pourri, and it completely masks the smell. I’m free to poop at home without fear of ruining the romance. Poo Pourri makes me feel like the queen I am. So, goodbye John. I’m leaving to take my rightful place on my own throne.

Poo Pourri. Keep love in the air.

Fresh couples don’t want to ruin the relationship with their bodily functions.